You can’t even pretend that you didn’t sing that line in your head as you read it! But yes, you read it correctly; we want to talk about sex. We figured we should put this one out there right away; lay it all on the table since right after “You’re such a good person!” always comes, “Does IT still work?”
Whoa… wait, do I know you?
First things first, is it really any of your business? Although I do admire your total lack of a verbal filter, I’m curious as to what would make you assume that IT doesn’t work? And secondly, in the spirit of “baring it all” (pun intended),
YES IT STILL WORKS!
Now, I don’t think we really need to get into the mechanics of exactly how sex works; pretty sure we have all figured that out. But what is it about a wheelchair that makes a person all of a sudden asexual? And am I now considered asexual as well because my husband is in a chair?
Let me fill you in on a little secret…he’s still a guy for crying out loud! His wheelchair has not robbed him of the fact that he is male. What 30 year old man do you know who doesn’t have and want sex?? So yes, it is most definitely still possible, yes, it is most definitely still pleasurable, and yes, he can most definitely feel it. Is it a little different for us because he can’t move three quarters of his body? Sure, but we’ll get more into that later…
Yes it still works…sometimes, unless you are my parents and you are reading this then, NO! It doesn’t work at all! I should also point out that this blog post is sponsored by Cialis…just kidding…sort of.
More often times than not I get the age-old question “Does it still work?” I am a very open person but sometimes it does strike me a bit odd that I am talking about my sex life with a complete stranger. With that being said, I understand the curiosity. Before my life with wheels began I recall asking that same question. I mean, a man not being able to feel his penis would be the end of the world for him, right?
So to answer the question, for our situation, yes it still works and no he can’t feel it.
I am going to be very honest in saying this was THE BIGGEST concern for me when starting a relationship with James….do we have sex at all? How is IT going to work? What position do you do it in? ect.
It was not an easy transition for me. There were times I was confused, frustrated and sad. You grow up with a pretty clear picture on how sex “should” be, so to have that altered does throw a wrench into things, but one look into James’ eyes and those emotions go out the window…that man makes me melt. I took a huge step back and realized this man and this relationship means more to me than doing it doggy style. After that I opened my mind and was shocked to find out….
I had been doing sex all wrong!
I am a woman after all who grew up in a generation where women have been objectified and I thought it was MY job to please my partner first and foremost because well…that’s just the way it is. Sex now, means so much more, it is about connecting on a deeper level and working together as a team. So yes we do have sex and even though he can’t “feel” it, it is still enjoyable…just ask our neighbors!
There is much more that goes along with sex and disability as this is a pretty hot and steamy topic, however, for now we would just like to answer what seems to be on everyone’s mind. Please know that we are only speaking from our personal experience and cannot speak for everyone with a disability; all injuries and disabilities are different, as are all relationships. With that being said, if you are one of those couples that has accomplished this position:
we would definitely like to chat with you!
Sam & Chelsea